Saturday, April 09, 2005

Son of a glitch, indeed

I think nausea might be worse than pain.

And the fear of either returning is pretty dire, too.

It was great to sleep, nausea-free, in my own bed last night. I had six room-mates during my week in the hospital. If I could have found someone to bribe to get me a private room, I'd have happily shelled out big bucks, but evidently full means full. It's bad enough to feel sick without having to share space with strangers. I think I've found a limit to my extroversion.

I'm glad to be home, and feel good in many respects. I have no more post-surgical pain. I'm not nauseated, though I can't seem to unclench the nervous anticipation of its possible return. And I'm really, really weak.

This morning, Mom, Dad and I took a very short walk down the block and around the garden. Something my pre-cancer self could have done without noticing. It wore me out completely, but I'm determined to keep pushing. Dr. Parker said I could start working out as soon as I feel like it. I'd like to start rebuilding strength before I resume chemo if I can, but on my current diet of gatorade and saltines, I don't have a lot of calories to burn.

My weight is down about 50 pounds, which would be great if it had all been the right 50 pounds. I'm quite certain I've lost at least as much muscle as fat. None of my clothes fit, and I'm reluctant to buy clothes for my current shape.

I'm going to try to do as many little things as I can over the next week. For example, this morning I replaced the smart card in my satellite tv receiver. Not a big deal, but an accomplishment from my perspective.

Once again, I've been overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity of our friends and family, and especially all the folks reaching out to Judy. This ordeal has been barely tolerable with the massive support we've received. I can't imagine how one could endure something like this alone.

God bless all our friends and families, and keep sending out healing prayers.


Blogger Tom Wolf said...

So good to know that you are on the mend again. Hope is essential to progress.

As you know, Dale is memorizing something each week for home school. The length of his assignment depends on what other demands are being placed on him. This week's was short, but delicious. Here it is:

The Peace of Wild Things by Wendell Berry

When despair for the world grows in me
And I wake in the night at the least sound
In fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
Rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
Who do not tax their lives with forethought
Of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
Waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

You remain in our daily thoughts and prayers.

Love, Tom

3:03 PM  
Blogger Kita28 said...

Dear Jim,

I am SO glad you're home!! We are keeping you, Judy and the kids in our prayers constantly as always. I am praying that you are now on the upswing with the worst finally behind you.

All our love,

Kita et. al.

10:32 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

We love Jim!

Jenn, John and FiFI

9:46 PM  

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