Saturday, April 16, 2005

I'm doing better. When I met with Dr. Evers on Thursday, he cut my Reglan back to 5 mg 2x day - from an original dose of 20 mg 4x day. He also gave me a small dose of ativan to counter the anxiety. I think I've finally struck a workable balance.

Yesterday I had a picc line inserted in my right arm. The good news is, this means I'm starting my penultimate course of chemo on Monday. The bad news is, the picc line goes into my right arm right where it meets my guitar, so my musical recovery is set back a bit more. I'll have to focus more on whistle and braying (trying to sing).

I finally met with Dr. John Lynch, the psychologist yesterday. Most of our time was spent with my explaining how I'd had a perfect life interrupted my meaningless disease. He believes my depression is a reaction to my circumstances, and not a more fundamental sadness. I think that's true, too. He also thinks I may be having a spiritual and identity struggle that may take a little more work. I agree with that, too.

I can't tell you what a relief it is to be free of the bugginess. Most important, I'm ready to take on chemo next week.

Then three weeks off.

Then one more week of chemo.

Then I start to crawl out of the hole, and try to take back my life. Here's to Memorial Day 2005.

6 Comments:

Blogger Kita28 said...

Jim

Yay! Good luck today on the chemo. I think it's wonderful that you have to worry about the pic line interfering with your guitar, meaning that you're interested in your musical recovery.

I'm glad you had a good session with the psychologist. I think it's a very good omen that his name is J. Lynch:)

All my love,

Kita

P.S. You were right. The harp concert was absolutely lovely. It was good for my soul to spend an evening listening to that beautiful music played by all those even more beautiful young people.

7:56 AM  
Blogger vkenny said...

Hi Jimmy, Hooorahh for getting the meds figured out. I'm glad your 1st session was a good one for you it may be just what you need to help you get through. It may sound weird but I'm glad the chemo is moving forward now, this will give you a finish line to concentrate on. We will continue our prayers every day. Keep fighting the good fight!
V

8:45 AM  
Blogger Dorrie said...

Thanks for continuing to keep us posted. We're always thinking of you and praying for you. It was a joy to see your ladies yesterday.
Love,
Dorrie

10:21 AM  
Blogger Tom Wolf said...

As my college roommate was fond of saying, and demonstrating, life is basically a question of balancing your drugs. Glad you've got yours balanced and are feeling up to the next leg of this odyssey.
As for not being able to play your guitar, abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. I look forward to hearing you play soon.
And regarding your singing, they didn't touch your vocal chords, as I understand it, so hopefully your good voice will return.
May faith, courage and blessings shower upon you, Jim.

Love, Tom

11:53 AM  
Blogger UisceBaGirl said...

I'm sure you know that your fans miss you tremendously. Continue to heal and we will wait patiently for your playing and 'braying'.

4:49 PM  
Blogger dark_one said...

My name is Brian Lane and i would like to show you my personal experience with Ativan.

I am 30 years old .I started taking this drug about 10 years ago to help with some pretty bad anxiety and depression I was having at the time. I started taking a 1mg dose twice a day 1 in morning and 1 before bed. I tapered myself down to .5mg twice a day and then finally was able to get off it for about 3 months this year. I just started taking it in .5mg doses again due to the anxiety and depression resurfacing after 10 years. I dont know if its coming back because I got off the medicine or just that I am having a relapse but I have to honestly tell you that those years in between when I was taking it were the best years of my life. Just be VERY careful not to take this in larger doses.

Side Effects :
sleepiness, addiction It really helped me for what I was taking it for but it was very difficult to stop.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Brian Lane

Ativan Side Effects

2:30 PM  

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