Friday, February 04, 2005

Just keep swimming.

Sometimes even knowing that certain fears and anxieties are irrational is not enough to dispel them.

I know, for example, that my endoscopic ultrasound this afternoon will be relatively non-intrusive, painless, harmless and that it will not result in new, horrible revelations. It's just to help the surgeon plan the surgery. We already know what's there and how it's doing from the ct scan on Monday.

But this is the same scan I had in October that confirmed I had cancer and that it was serious. Also, the last time it included a needle biopsy that resulted in the perforation that led to the infection that put me in the hospital for eleven days. (No needle biopsy this time around). It's the same doctor at the same hospital.

So, while I KNOW, 100%, for a fact, indubitably, that I have nothing to worry about - I'm still a little anxious.

There's plenty of good stuff to focus on, though.
  • Last night I played one and one-half sets with the band at the pub.
  • The day before yesterday I attended the swearing-in ceremony of Virginia's new Attorney General, where I spoke to many friends and colleagues.
  • I'm meeting with my surgeon, Dr. George Parker, next Thursday, to learn how he'll do the surgery, and what to expect.
  • My surgery is scheduled (finally!) for February 21 at the crack of dawn at St. Mary's hospital.
  • I'm feeling stronger and better every day.

So, in the words of the old Bing Crosby song, I'll accentuate the positive and eliminate (or at least repress) the negative.

We'll keep working the plan.


5 Comments:

Blogger vkenny said...

Hi Jimmy, I'm so glad to hear you are doing more and feeling better every day. The anxiety you are feeling is totally natural Ed & I call it white coat syndrome, whenever you are in a situation with a doctor it usually will make you nervous & anxious especially after all you have been through. I think the best thing you can do is keep working the plan, and just have some fun. Keep fighting the good fight!
V

1:27 PM  
Blogger Judy said...

We had fine, fine news from the endoscopic ultrasound. All three of the areas which the doctor was looking at have, in his words, "resolved." We are looking forward to a happy weekend.
Judy

5:30 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Resolved is very very good. Tell me that doctor's name, and the next time I'm at J.W. (should be Monday), I'll give him a big kiss.

Jim, you've got me kissin a lot of docs! Only for you!

Love,
Jenn

5:43 PM  
Blogger Tom Wolf said...

Hallelujah! "Spread joy up to the maximum!" Hope to see you this weekend.

Love, Tom

6:09 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

A very happy weekend indeed. I'm so glad to hear it.

12:43 AM  

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