Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Chemo 3.5

I am finished with radiation.

More to the point, radiation is finished with me.

I'll have no more taxol or cisplatin until after surgery.

I've got just over 20 hours of 5FU to go on my pump.

As pleased as I am to be through these milestones, it was hard to say goodbye to and thank the exceptional professionals who have helped me through this. I was never surprised by their courtesy to and grace with me, but I was surprised and moved by their collegiality and kindess to each other. The internal harmony which they bring to this inherently disharmonious process is comforting and inspires enormous confidence in me as the patient.

I must remember to strive to promote the same for my clients when I return to the practice of law.

I hope to sleep through most of the next 20 hours. I've got no appetite or energy, so I might as well. Then I'll wake up long enough to take off the pump, and settle in for a real rest.

J'aime et j'espere.


Blogger Jenn said...


Glad to hear about the success of collaboration of your medical team. Bon Secours is known for a strong team approach, and they are always very nice to work with. If they could only teach some of the other docs in the cit-tay some manners...but that's a different story for a different time.

I'm so glad this is almost over for you. I do not speak from actual personal experience, more as an observer, but I've seen how brutal this regimen can be. But you've always managed to maintain high spirits, which is very very vital to the healing and recovery process, and you've done such an excellent job keeping us informed and optimistic. Bravo! Le drame est fin!

Genevieve, Jean, et FiFi (Jenn, John, and FiFi)

7:01 PM  
Blogger vkenny said...

Hi Jimmy, Sleep at this point is the best way to handle
what your body has been through, Ed has always said the worse he feels the more he sleeps so he isn't aware of how bad he actually feels for most of the day. This is the hardest thing you will go through physically & mentally but the end result of good health will be worth it. I know it is hard but try to get some nurishment, even liquid will help, your body needs it as I said try milkshakes Ed had one a day and it really seemed to help. Keep fighting the good fight.

8:23 AM  
Blogger UisceBaGirl said...


"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep..."
[from Robert Frost, "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening"

You've taken us with us on your journey so far since before winter set in, pausing briefly at this milestone of the end of radiation, before your path continues homeward. There may be miles yet to go, yet you do not have to wait to sleep until the end of the journey. You've certainly helped us enjoy the strange beauty to be found in these woods that you journey through, lovely though dark and deep they be. The strange beauty of the harmonious team of professionals that you describe today, for example, but there are many small treasures you have shared with us through this blog.

There's a lot of healing in sleep - so sleep well.

Bonne nuit, et fait des beaux reves.

1:40 PM  
Blogger Tom Wolf said...


What an ordeal! You are facing it with such grace, courage and humility. Even though I understand from your earlier posts that you will continue to feel lousy for a couple of weeks after the chemo is over, I pray that this period will be tolerable for you and that you will soon feel like what you remember as human once again.

You are exploring the limits of mindfulness. It calls to mind a passage in Anne Frank's diary. Hiding with her family and another family in the attic above her father's former office, she lives in constant fear of their all being arrested and sent to a death camp. She is powerless to diminish the peril, and must be quiet all the time, not run around, not move the curtains, not go near the windows, not express her boredom, frustration or terror to her fellow prisoners who are also bored, frustrated and terrified. Looking through the window she can see only a patch of sky, a few branches of a tree, and an occasional bird. Yet she writes something to the effect of, "So long as I can have this much, this little contact with Nature, life is good."

Painful, debilitating, confusing, frustrating, maddening, terrifying--no question about it--but good.

Bless you, Jim; you are so good.

Love, Tom

9:14 PM  
Blogger Jyothi said...

Jim. I have worked both in the medical profession and in law and at least in my own experience the medical service providers are way ahead of the lawyers in terms of congeniality, kindness and compassion. The practice of law--the law itself--doesn't lend itself to much kindness, compassion or congeniality, especially in litigation circles, so if you can incorporate some of those qualities in your law practice, you will, indeed, be a cut above the crowd. I've been thinking of and praying for you each night and so glad you can just sleep. It's very healing. God bless you.

6:57 PM  

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